Introduction [Madison walks on stage with a microphone in hand. The curtains behind her are closed.] Madison: Sometimes, a guy will do anything to ask a girl out on a date. In this skit, our lead character believes that knowing how to dance is the key to attracting a girl. Dancing's good and all, but something tells me that the type of dancing he's trying isn't exactly right for him. So sit back, relax, and watch as our lead makes a fool of himself in "Lord of a Dance," starring Keitaro, Bit, Joey, Melfina, Duo, and Jeri. [The audience claps as Madison walks off of the stage and the curtains open up.] Act 1 Scene 1 [The curtain opens and the lights go up. Two chairs are set up at center stage, facing each other. In one of the chairs sits Joey, dressed in a white T-shirt and a pair of blue slacks. Behind Joey is a cardboard box, cut up to look like a television. Joey is staring at the screen mindlessly.] Joey: I wonder when Bit's going to get home from his date. Bit: (off-screen) I had a wonderful night too. I'll call you later, okay? [The sound of a door closing is heard. Bit walks onstage, dressed in a dark green polo shirt, black dress pants, and black shoes.] (Audience applauds Bit's entrance.) Joey: How did it go? [Bit sighs, then sits down and drops his head.] Bit: Suffice to say, there won't be a second date. Joey: No go again? How come you can't get a second chance? Bit: (looking up) Same as the others... she liked me, except for the fact that I couldn't dance worth beans. Joey: Again? Man, why's dancing so important to women anyway? Bit: That's why people go to clubs. To dance! Joey: They go to the clubs to find someone to fool around with. Bit: Yeah, that too. But seriously... what am I going to do? Joey: Maybe you should consider taking dance classes. The local community college offers several non-credit night classes. A few weeks of training and you'll be in the groove! Bit: A few weeks? I want to learn how to dance now! Can't you just teach me? Joey: Hey, I only know how to dance. I have no idea how to teach someone to dance. Bit: Then I guess I've got no other choice. I'll go down to the community college tomorrow and see if they have any openings left. Joey: That's the spirit! You'll be a dance maniac in no time! [Lights out.] Scene 2 [The lights go up. A humongous glass mirror is positioned behind a long horizontal wooden bar. Four individuals are currently on stage. Closest to the front is Duo, who is dressed in a white T-shirt and Robin Hood-like tights. The other three are lined up behind him, or in front of him, as he is facing them. They are all dressed in pink tutus. From right to left, it's Jeri, Melfina, and... Keitaro.] (Audience laughs at Keitaro's outfit.) Duo: Good evening, class. Melfina and Jeri: (simultaneously) Evening, Mr. Maxwell. Keitaro: (pulling his skirt down) I think my outfit's too small. Duo: You didn't want to wear the tights, so you've got to wear the tutu! Keitaro: I can't wear this! I'll be humiliated! Duo: You already are. (points out into the audience) Look. (The audience laughs again as Keitaro blushes and tries to cover himself up.) Duo: Deal with it, or forfeit your $800 tuition fee. Keitaro: (wails) That's not fair! Duo: You will shut up and stretch now, or you'll be doing the routine of death for the entire session! Keitaro: Not that! I'll be good! [Melfina and Jeri lift their right legs up unto the bar... although it takes Jeri a little bit longer to do so. Standing up as straight as possible with their left leg, the two girls then lean forward towards the right leg. Keitaro tries to lift his leg high enough... but he fails, falling on his back. Melfina and Jeri try to contain their laughter, but find it hard to do so.] Duo: Keitaro, what's wrong with you? You can't even lift leg high enough to reach bar and stretch your underpelvic muscles. Keitaro: But I'm a guy! Guys aren't supposed to do that! Duo: Do now, or routine of death! [Keitaro turns back around and tries again. As he does, Bit walks on stage, dressed in a red short sleeve shirt and black tights.] Duo: Ah, the new student finally shows his pathetic self! Bit: How can you stand these things, man? Isn't there anything else to wear? [Duo points at Keitaro, as his face turns red from struggling to lift his leg.] Bit: You're shitting me? I'll stay with the tights! [Duo smacks Bit across the face, then points at Melfina and Jeri.] Duo: No cursing in this class, especially with ladies present! Do that again and you'll do the routine of death! Bit: What's that? [In the background, Keitaro falls on his back. Outraged by this, Duo walks over, picks Keitaro up by the arm, and drags him over.] Duo: Good news, Keitaro... you're going to demonstrate the routine of death for the new guy here... eh, what's your name? Bit: Bit. Bit Cloud. Duo: I asked for your name, not your life story! Bit: Wha? [Duo produces a small pouch. He then points to Bit and motions for him to come over.] Duo: Reach in and obtain two marbles, please. [Bit does as he is told and pulls out two red marbles, each labeled with the number '4.'] Keitaro: (groans) Oh no... Duo: Two 4's. That means 200 deer leaps, now! [Keitaro turns and starts leaping all over the room, landing on one foot on the first leap, landing on the other the second time, and so on, alternating which foot he lands on.] Bit: That doesn't seem so hard. Duo: If you hit anyone or anything, or do the exercise improperly, you have to restart and do twice as many repetitions than before. Bit: Ooh boy... remind me not to get on your bad side. Duo: (pats Bit on the shoulder) Learning already? Good! You can learn some things from this boy, Keitaro! [Keitaro turns his attention to Bit and loses balance, accidentally landing on both feet.] Duo: (angry) It's now 400 deer leaps! Move! [Keitaro resumes his 'deer leaps' as Duo turns back to Bit, Melfina, and Jeri.] Duo: As for the rest of you, let's get started. [Lights out.] Scene 3 [Lights go up. Same place as before, but an hour has passed now. All of the students are sweating profusely... especially Keitaro.] Duo: You should all applaud yourselves today. You all did great. [Melfina, Jeri, Bit, and Keitaro all clap... until Duo walks over to Keitaro and glares at him.] Duo: Except for you, Urashima! Practice harder or I cut you! Keitaro: Cut? But there's only four of us! Duo: I teach class whether there's twenty-two students or just one. Now, shape up or ship out! [Keitaro grumbles as he walks off stage. Duo walks out the other way. Jeri walks to the back of the stage to get her bag, leaving Bit and Melfina at center stage.] Bit: How can you do this three days a week? I'll collapse if we have to do all of that again on Wednesday! Melfina: You get used to it. Besides, you'll find out that it's all worthwhile in the end. At my first recital, Duo said that I had potential! Bit: Recital? Melfina: That's when you dance to music in front of a crowd. Bit: You serious? Melfina: (nods) If you're here taking a ballet class, you should know that. Bit: I'm only here because it's the only class that's not full, and I need to know how to dance. Melfina: How to dance? Bit: Eh... forget what I said. Melfina: (smiles) You don't know how to dance? Bit: Okay, I don't. I'm pathetic. Go ahead and say it. Melfina: I think it's cute. Bit: Huh? Melfina: I see that you're desperate to do anything. Even taking a ballet class isn't above you right now. You're trying to impress someone, right? Bit: (sighs) More like a whole lot of someones. I go on dates, they go well... until the girls find out that I can't dance. And then it's all downhill from there. Melfina: Well, I hope this class helps you out. Bit: Me too. Melfina: (waves goodbye) Gotta go! Bye! Bit: (waves goodbye) Bye! [Melfina exits stage right, grabbing a small blue duffel bag on her way out. Jeri, in all of the conversation, is now also no longer on stage. Keitaro reenters though to get his stuff.] Bit: You okay, man? Keitaro: Why do I even take this class? Joey: (off-stage) Keitaro, baby! Keitaro: (turns towards the left side of the stage) Joey-kins! [Joey runs on stage towards Keitaro. The two hug and then kiss each other on the lips. Bit just stands there, with his mouth gaping wide open.] (Audience reacts accordingly with gasps, moans, groans, and such.) Bit: This isn't happening. [Joey and Keitaro release their liplock as Joey turns to his roommate.] Joey: Uh... I guess you know my secret now, huh? Bit: Why didn't you tell me you were gay? Joey: Hey, chill out! If you're worried about me wanting to get in bed with you, then it's no problem. I don't find you attractive anyway. Bit: (raises an eyebrow) 'Scuse me? Joey: A guy who can't dance probably isn't good in bed. At least I've heard. Bit: (blushes) How the heck do you know that? (points at Keitaro) And what does he have that I don't? Keitaro: I'm stubborn! Joey: Not to mention he's a girl magnet. Bit: (gasps) You're bisexual? Joey: Not yet, but I'd like to be... as soon as Keitaro hooks me up with one of his girls. Keitaro: Consider it done! Bit: (gags) I think I'm gonna be sick. Keitaro: Speaking of girls... I saw you getting friendly with Melfina. Bit: Melfina? Oh, that's her name? She didn't tell me that. Joey: Bit, Bit... flirting again already, and not only did you fail to ask her for her name, but you still can't dance! Better get in gear buddy, or she'll walk out on you too! [Joey and Keitaro laugh as they walk off, stage left. Bit clenches his fists in determination.] Bit: I've got to learn how to dance! Even if it kills me! [Lights out.] Act 2 Scene 1 [As the lights go up, Joey walks from one side of the stage to the other, holding a sign that reads 'one month later...'. Once he disappears, the others appear in the dance room again. They all look the same as before, except for Keitaro, who now is wearing a brown short sleeve shirt and white tights.] Duo: I'm amazed at how well all of you have done the past few weeks. Especially you, Urashima. Keitaro: (scratching his head sheepishly) Thanks... I have been practicing! Duo: (angry) Don't patronize me! Keitaro: (meekly) Sorry. Duo: Anyway, we have a dance performance recital coming up this Saturday night. I expect all of you to practice your routines and do well. Until Wednesday... class dismissed! [Duo exits stage right, with Keitaro and Jeri following shortly thereafter. Bit and Melfina are left alone in the room once again, as Bit puts his things together.] Melfina: Great job today, Bit! Bit: (turning towards her) Thanks! All of the practice at home's been paying off. Even though Joey tends to laugh at me a lot. Melfina: He's just jealous. It takes a lot of guts to be a male ballet dancer. Bit: Exactly! Why doesn't he see that all of this hard work's paying off for me? I can now dance like no one's business. Melfina: Actually, that's what I want to talk to you about. (slowly) Would you mind... Bit: (jumping up) Going on a date? Absolutely! Melfina: (surprised) How did you know? Bit: I was thinking of asking myself. There's this great new movie coming out this week called 'Save the First Dance,' and I was wondering if you'd go and see it with me. Melfina: Of course! I'd be glad to! Bit: Then since we don't have class on Friday, I'll just drop by your house at six thirty to pick you up. Okay? Melfina: Great! Bit: See ya there, then. Melfina: Yeah. [Melfina gathers her things and then exits stage left. Once Melfina's gone, Bit begins to dance around happily, jumping around the dance floor.] Bit: She said yes! Yippee! [Bit continues to celebrate as the lights go out.] Scene 2 [The lights are turned on as Jeri tiptoes her way across the stage, holding up a sign that reads 'Friday (already?)'. On the stage, six chairs are lined up horizontally across the stage. Joey and Keitaro are sitting next to each other on the two leftmost seats. Bit and Melfina sit in the two seats farthest to the right. All four of them are now wearing their regular outfits. In front of the row of chairs is a mini-stage, where Duo, dressed in a black T-shirt and blue jeans, is setting up some chairs. A set of mini-curtains on both side of that stage signify that the stage is the movie screen.] Melfina: (pointing at Duo) That guy's cute! Bit: (leaning over towards Melfina) You mean I'm not? Melfina: No one's as cute as you are, Bit. [Bit smiles happily as Jeri walks into the scene on-screen. Jeri's dressed in her regular green dress and tennis shoes.] Duo: You ready to do this? Jeri: (gulps) As ready as I'll ever be. [Duo pulls out a stereo out of nowhere and pushes the play button. 70's disco music begins to play in the background. Duo stands in the center, puts his left hand on his hip, points his right index finger diagonally towards his right, up at the ceiling, and turns his head straight left. Jeri watches as Duo brings the right arm down to his hip, raises it back up, drops it down again, and so on. Duo then also begins to sing.] Duo: (as high as possible) I I I I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive! I I I I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive! (The audience joins Jeri in laughing out loud at Duo's dancing.) [Duo then looks at Jeri, seeing that she's laughing at him.] Duo: (normal voice) Come on Jeri! If you want that scholarship, you've gotta learn how to dance '70s style! Now come on! [Jeri smiles, shrugs her shoulders as she faces the audience, and then begins dancing in sync with Duo.] Duo and Jeri: (high-pitched) I I I I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive! I I I I'm stayin' allllliiiiivvvvveeeeeiiiiivvvvveeeee! (The audience simultaneously laughs and applauds with glee.) [The music then stops as Duo turns off the stereo and sets up two chairs next to each other in the center. Duo and Jeri then sit down. Duo then starts swaying from side to side, as Jeri follows suit.] Duo: Gotta work out the shoulders. You've got to be able to swing them in any direction at any given time. Jeri: Got it. Duo: Now, repeat after me. (in a deep voice) Uh-huh-huh. Jeri: (very deeply) Eh-heh-huh... [Jeri falls over, laughing loudly at her obvious mistake. Duo holds her by the arm to keep her from falling. Joey, Keitaro, Bit, and Melfina are all laughing in their seats. As the laughter continues, the lights go out.] Scene 3 [Back at Bit and Joey's apartment. It looks exactly the same as it was at the beginning of the play, even with Joey sitting and watching TV. On the far left side of the stage stand Bit and Melfina, returning home from their date.] Melfina: I had a great time tonight. Bit: Me too. I guess I'd better go. Melfina: Wait. [Melfina gives Bit a quick peck on the lips. Bit blushes a bright crimson red as Melfina turns to walk away, waving goodbye as she disappears behind the curtain.] Melfina: I'll see you at the recital tomorrow night! [Bit slowly waves goodbye before turning around and slowly walking into the apartment.] Joey: So, how'd it go? Please tell me you didn't lose her too. Bit: (smiles) She kissed me. Joey: She kissed you? Seriously? Man, that's the first time you've ever been kissed on a date, right? Congratulations! Bit: I didn't expect my first kiss to be so short. She only gave me a quick peck. Joey: A kiss is a kiss, man! You're in the groove! So, when's the next date? Bit: Not so fast, Joey! We've got the recital tomorrow, so I'm more worried about that then our next date. Joey: Speaking of which... didn't you take the class just to learn how to dance? Why are you still in it if you can dance fine now? Bit: Well... um... Joey: You don't have to do any stupid recital. You know how to dance. Why do you have to show off your skills dancing ballet? There are better places than that! Bit: But Melfina and the others... Joey: They'll do fine without you. Trust me! I asked Keitaro... everything will be fine. Bit: I guess you're right. I did set out to accomplish my goal, and I've done it. No use going up on stage and embarrassing myself. Knowing how to dance is good enough for me. [Bit sadly walks off of the stage as Joey turns back towards the television. Lights go out.] Scene 4 [The lights go up as Duo runs across the stage, holding a sign that reads 'Saturday Night (a.k.a. Recital Time!)'. Off to the left side of the stage, Melfina and Jeri are chatting, both dressed in their tutus.] Melfina: Where could Bit be? He told me he was coming! Jeri: Maybe he got stuck in traffic somewhere. Melfina: He can walk here from his apartment in five minutes! What if something's happened to him? Jeri: Calm down... it can't be that serious. [Keitaro walks in, dressed in his tights.] Keitaro: Why are you two worrying about Bit? He won't be here anyway. Melfina: What do you mean? He's dancing tonight, just like we are all. Keitaro: (shakes his head) He said he doesn't need the class anymore. He knows how to dance, so he quit this morning. His roommate called me and told me himself. Jeri: Why would he do that? He seemed to be as eager as the rest of us to dance! Keitaro: Not anymore he doesn't. [Melfina turns and runs across the stage, exiting stage right. Jeri screams after her.] Jeri: Melfina! Keitaro: She's just going to cry her tears out. I would too if the guy I dated last night broke their first promise as a couple. Jeri: Poor Melfina... [Lights fade out.] Scene 5 [The lights go up only a little bit as we see Bit, dressed in his tights, sitting on a bench alone.] Bit: This is the right thing to do. This IS the right thing to do. This ISN'T the right thing to do. Oh man... I can't decide! Should I really be out partying tonight, or should I go to that recital and dance? What should I do? Melfina: (off-stage) Bit! Bit: It's like Melfina's yelling at me to decide. Melfina: (off-stage) Bit! Bit: (stands up) Wait a minute! That is Melfina yelling at me! [Melfina runs onto the stage, stopping in front of Bit.] Bit: Aren't you supposed to be at the recital? Melfina: You are too, Bit! Why are you here in the park by yourself? It's not true what Keitaro said, is it? Bit: (turns away) I don't need to take the class anymore. I know how to dance now. Melfina: So? That doesn't give you the right to skip the recital! You worked just as hard as we did to get on that stage. Don't you feel like you've earned your chance in the spotlight? Bit: Dancing in tights? You've got to be kidding! Melfina: Then I guess you did this all for yourself. It was never about the recital, or the ballet dancing, or me... was it? Bit: What? Melfina: You never intended to do the recital, you never wanted to be a ballet dancer, and you surely didn't intend to pursue a relationship with me! Bit: Don't be ridiculous! Of course I want to continue dating you! Melfina: Coulda fooled me. You can't commit yourself to the class. You can't commit yourself to the recital. So that tells me that you can't commit yourself to me. Bit: That's totally untrue! Melfina: Really? Prove it! Come back with me and dance in the recital! [Bit and Melfina stare at each other's eyes as Bit contemplates his decision.] Melfina: If you don't come back with me, then we can never see each other again. Is that what you want? [The two continue to stare at each other for a little while longer. Bit then wraps his arms around Melfina's waist and leans over to give Melfina a kiss. The two teens lock lips for what seems like an eternity, neither wanting to let go.] (The crowd whoops and hollers with excitement.) [The two finally let go of each other, as they exchanged smiles of joy and relief.] Bit: No. Melfina: What? Bit: What I want is to be with you, Melfina. Now, let's go and dance at that recital! [Bit lets go of Melfina's waist and grabs her hand. The two trot off, hand in hand, stage right. The lights go out and the curtain drops to the ground.]